Saturday, May 12, 2012

Friend issues

Hi--I need to vent--and I am SO not linking this to Facebook or all those FB "friends" will post comments I don't really want.  Aren't I starting out cheery??  Let me start over-

Life is good-  my sweet girl is precious and perfect and turning into a little chunk- I love it!  The Mover is coping pretty well-- it was a rough first month but now we are settled in and back to a routine and he LOVES his sister!  Maybe to a smothering point at times but yes he LOVES her!  Ok back to my processing point.....

Being a stay at home mom has so many bonuses that I could write about but I am thinking about a negative at the moment.  I am an extravert with a capital E!  I am a talker- I love conversing and relating and being with people.  I call my friends way more than they call me.  It isn't because I am bored or have no life,  I just make a point to call people when I have a few free moments driving or nursing.  This is because I am a people person.  This leads to a problem sometimes because I worry I am annoying people or talking their ear off.  I don't want to be THAT person that loses friends because I am annoying.  SO what is the line?  How do you know you are annoying?  Do you just stop calling people?  Then I get into the insecure high school thoughts..."are we really even friends?"  "Are they talking about me to other people?"  "Are they acting weird or is it in my head?"  These thoughts seriously make me want to throw up...they make me wish I was content to not talk to anyone but my Hubby and my 2 year old.
  And making friends as a stay at home mom is so dang hard I think!  It is hard to find people- ok moms, who aren't always trying to prove themselves as better wives, moms, cooks, health nuts, etc.  I hate it.  I hate pretense.  I hate not knowing where I stand with people.  I am done worrying and I am done confronting.  I am taking the advice of my extrovert sis and Hubby who tell me just walk away--not mad--just don't pursue them--let people call you.  Ok I can do that because returning to annoying high school insecurities is not an option- bleh!  Why are people so weird-- just say what you think and get it over with.  

Wow--thanks I need to get that off my chest and my Hubby is gone for 4 days for a school field trip so I am venting to you, dear cyberspace=)  I need to take my own advice that I give the Mover a million times a day, "Be thankful for what you have".  I have a great family- immediate and extended.  I am so thankful for them loving me as I am.  In the end, all is well,  I just need to remember that if it is not a matter of conviction then maybe I just can't worry about how people perceive me, and just be me=).

Sorry for all that...any ideas?  Anyone else out there ever deal with such things??

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Birth Story

It has taken me a while but I have been wanting to share little Liberty's birth story.  I would love to give you all lots of pics but...don't have any!  I read on one of my new blog reads-  that sometimes it helps to tell your birth story--and since with a 2 1/2 year old and an infant keeping me busy I haven't really had much time to chat.
--so if you don't want to read a birth story---stop reading now--come back another time=)

On Sunday Feb. 12--about 2 weeks before baby's due date- we went to church that morning and I wanted to just listen from the atrium area..just didn't really feel like sitting thru the service--having some braxtyn hicks (I thought) but not often and just felt blah.  I talked to my sis (the experienced mom of 5) and she told me not to get too excited and that I would make it to my 9am ob appt. the next day just fine and would most likely be disappointed to find myself still at a 3 or maybe 4.  So I decided to take a nap after church and see if these "contractions" went away.  Well they didn't but I was able to sleep and the contractions were still 20 mins to an hour apart so I didn't really think much of it.  I figured "Who knows this is my second?  Maybe I will have contractions for days!"  SO that evening we went to my parents for dinner (yeah no cooking for me!) and we had chili (important because my hubby thinks that was the clincher=).  By then I was starting to admit that these hurt.  I remember having to stop talking multiple times during dinner to breathe thru a few strong ones.

I know this sounds silly but I still wasn't even thinking about going to the hospital--didn't think we were all that close.  SO we went home and I did a Thomas the Train puzzle with the Mover and my Hubby laid him down.  About the time we laid him down (9:00ish)  I decided maybe I should actually keep track of the time on these guys.  Within 10 minutes the contractions went from 15 mins apart to 2-3 minutes.  I found the only position I could handle was on the floor on all fours.  But oddly I still wasn't really stressed-  I think it was God.  Hubby called my parents and my brother and sister said they would come stay with the Mover.  At this point I think Matt was sure they would send me home still.  So they drove over and we grabbed our stuff and took off.  We arrived at the hospital at about 11pm ish.  I remember when they checked me, the nurse asked my pain level and I said- 7.

She asked about pain management..this is where it was a little hairy...see I had determined in myself that I didn't want an epidural...but didn't so much share that with my Hubby ekkk.  I knew it would stress him out so I avoided.  Now here I am in labor trying to decide...I felt bad not going with my Hubby but I felt like I could do this.  So as we were talking about it, the nurse checked me.  I was at a 5 and 99% effaced.  She told me the doctor on call would be their soon- so I decided to wait and decide on the epidural then.  I would get it if I hadn't progressed.  My nurse was super supportive and AMAZING! And my Hubby let me know he would support whatever I decided. So they moved me to a room, got me a birthing ball--which did wonders--, and started trying to put in a IV.  Just as protocol in case I needed fluids.  Well, that was not going well..poking, prodding, digging...took my mind of the contractions at least....well a little=).  so doctor arrives...about 15 mins after we go there and checks me.  I am at a 6.

She breaks my water and HOLY CRAP I had no idea how much that would intensify the contractions!  I remember I was getting off the bed to get back on the birthing ball and had my first "post water break" contraction and I couldn't move-- I was holding on to the nurse for dear life!  But it pasted and I got off the bed and on the ball and nurse #2 started attempting an IV--no #3 nurse from the ER came up to try--nope...I remember them talking about calling in one of the life flight guys.  That's when I told the nurse...or really just said to anyone who was around...that I thought I was gonna poop...about 2 seconds later I pushed...I remember saying that I couldn't stop pushing and apologizing!  I think I was apologizing because I was sure I wasn't at a 10 yet and I was doing something wrong!  But I don't remember anyone answering me- they just herded me onto the bed.  I remember yelling at the point that it hurt so bad and remember the doctor reassuring me and saying, "I know I know"  Then I told Hubby I couldn't do this and he said he could see the head!  I was shocked I had no idea that it could happen so fast!!  People were running around the room grabbing stuff and I was pushing away! Probably 2 or 3 contractions later baby was out!  I do remember she had to cut me a little because her shoulders were stuck and I remember that hurting...I thought even then, "How can that little cut hurt when I am popping out a 6 lb baby!?  But it did!

So baby is out and I hear the nurse (the wonderful one who I feel deserves payment as a doula as well) "she, she, she" conversing with the doctor and then my hubby asked ," so what is it!!??"  I guess they kind of forgot to tell us!  IT'S A GIRL!!  SO exciting!

 Then I learned that pushing out that placenta hurts like having a twin that is just a little smaller=) whew!

It was 11:15pm when we arrived and by 12:15am Liberty was out in the world!  It was crazy fast and amazing.  My hubby did great and I think he was pretty proud of my mad skills too=).

Well the story extends for the next few days of "stuff" but that is the actual birth story..and surprisingly I could have made it longer=)!  Thanks for listening.  We are so blessed by God's gift to our family and I am so excited to get to know this sweet little girl!

Love you Libby Girl!

Friday, February 10, 2012


Hi friends-- well I am down to mire weeks--2 to be exact until my due date- welcome to the world little one.  We decided to be surprised again and I seriously don't have an inkling if it is a boy or girl!  My pregnancy in all has be great really.  A little emotional (dang hormones) and a little tiring (maybe the extra 25 lbs I packed on) but other than that my stomach has been happy and life it good. 

Now I am in that darn 9th month....literally having a Braxtyn Hicks contractions as I type..whoever said those suckers don't hurt are weirdos.  Anyways I am starting to feel a little down...I think just because the normal tasks of life are getting so hard and my Little Mover is taking advantage of his Momma's slow moving self.  I was putting up with his naughtiness, but now I am just patientless and ticked off.  The wrath of a huge pregnant woman is not pretty.  I scare myself a little.  SO yes in other words I am ready to be able to bend over again, and ready to have the energy to be patiently consistent with my Little Mover.  Wow it is amazing how clear sin nature is revealed through a precious, sweet little boy.  Glad God loves me in all my selfishness...and I don't even have the cute smile to melt His heart!

In other news I have been doing a Bible Study- women's deal at our local E-Free church in town.  They do a Puggles (Awana) class for the little ones and I really felt God putting it on my heart to get involved in something that would give me some consistency and discipline in the Word.  Last semester we did a Women of Genesis study which was interesting and really great in part just to have Godly women to pray with and fellowship with.  Now we are starting a study of the life of David- it is a Beth Moore and 2 other ladies...I can't remember their names...but so far so good.  CHallenging and thought provoking.  It has been good to just get me back in a habit of aily devotions which I have really slacked at the last year or so.  I also read this ebook that I think I mentioned before that has inspired me to morning devos again as well. it has been good.  Challenging and encouraging.

What else?  Elias is learning his ABCs and sounds-- he knows over half of his sounds, which is crazy because we haven't really been super intentional about teaching them, he is just interested.  We are still halfway potty training--he is just not really into it and I have let go of needing to have it done before the little one comes so that takes the pressure off.  He will get there I guess!

Well till next time!