Wednesday, December 22, 2010

the hard "c" sound

My son likes to walk around saying, "C" "C" as in cold- yeah "C" means cold.  Well it is cold outside, colds seem to be bouncing back and forth between my son and I.  Hubby has steered clear so far.  First a snotty cold, then a fevery cold, now a sore throat...ok maybe they are all connected...I don't know.  Not a doctor.

Speaking of words I need to tally here momentarily my Little Movers growing little vocabulary...

mom
dadda
neah
yeah
hot
cold
eye
bye


I think that is all.  The "more" sign it turning into a bit of a nightmare.  He uses "more" as everything and looks at me pleading with me to understand him-  I ask him everything I can think of and he gets really annoyed with me and just signs "more" even more fervently.  It is kind of funny really-- he is so intense about it.  But I think we probably should work on hungry and thirsty and such.  Also with all the goodies that Christmas brings, he is learning the hard lesson that even when you say please sometime Mom says no.  Wow he is having a hard time with that one-- a little drama in the Teterud house=)!


lots of climbing and chattering=)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I am about to ban titles on posts....can never think of one...

Oddly enough I am relieved that it is Christmas week.  Last week was so crazy busy that I really feel pretty relaxed now.  We had a Christmas party at our house Saturday.  It was relaxing.  Small- not a lot of people showed, but it was still enjoyable.  I decided inviting a slew of people over just doesn't work.  It is too much work to get your house and food ready, and then I think people don't feel as invited because so many people are invited.  I am going for smaller gatherings in the future!

Also there was an article in the paper here about an older man, Byron.  I have known him for a long time.  He was my high school flame(much longer story there)'s neighbor.  He in a wonderful older man and I used to go visit him at his home up until I got pregnant with the Mover.  Pretty much I stopped for a few reasons, but if I am honest with myself it was mostly because I was afraid I would find him dead everytime I went over there.  I hated that.  He never opened the door (he didn't walk really well) and his hearing wasn't awesome so he always said to just walk in.  So for one reason or another I stopped going to see him.  I have thought about it and felt guilty too many times.  I have driven by- never saw a for sale sign.
ANYWAYS- my mom found an article in the paper about him.

Byron Article
It said in the article that he was at a nursing home here in town.  So I went today,  brought  my baby boy.  It took about 10 mins. for him to remember me.  He was very apologetic.  But really what do I expect?  I am a slacker (no visits for a year and a half) and he is 90 years old.  I left with mixed emotions.  I will go back though.  He has no family in town now and I could tell he love the company.  He got a little teary when he thanked me for coming.  He lost his wife probably about 12 years ago now.  He wouldn't say it but I think he is ready to go be with her. 

It was a little surreal for me.  Kind of took me back to a different time in my life.  But good- it felt good- I needed to go.  And I need to go again.  He is "my people" by some weird twist and I am not gonna be a pansy because I don't like nursing homes or because I hate to see him grow so weak.  I wouldn't want to be forgotten before I am gone.  So I won't forget him.

So it is Tuesday.  I ran all over town today.  Little Mover was seriously about to mutiny on the carseat.  I made puppy chow (yum) and in the processes of making a few meals- a one for us and on for a co-worker of the Hubs.  The Mover isn't napping cause he slept in the car a little this morning, but I am believing if he talks in his crib long enough he may doze off=).

So that is my day.  I love Christmas and downhill skiing but I think I could move somewhere warmer.  Just sayin'.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My Hubby

I know it is like "Tribute Week" on Grace's Blog!  But December is a busy month.  My grandpa passed away, it is my hubby's birthday, and our anniversary.  Oh and Christmas :)

Well today is my hubby's birthday.  And I find myself so thankful for him.  I mean if we are honest, we are not always thankful for husbands- sometimes they drive us crazy.  Ok or maybe it is just me? I don't think so:)

But sometimes I see the big picture- the picture God had when he looked at us and confirmed to me- "You go girl- you are going to make a great team!".  I am pretty sure he told me that--or pretty close!  Also Friday is our 5 year anniversary.  We have come so far.  We have confronted a lot, and struggles a lot.  But we have also loved a lot, experienced new things, and grown together.

I am so proud of him. He has finish a Master's Program and a million extra classes help us live well and allow me to say home.  He takes care of the Little Mover.  He does so well with him.  Sometimes I can't help but cry a little when I watch them play.  Little Mover hears the garage door open every night and runs to the door  trying to open it, and cries till my hubby opens the door.  He is a great daddy.

He makes me a better mommy, wife, and person.


Thank you Hubby for getting us through Europe and taking care of the whole Eurorail business ( I was super intimidated).  Thank you for making me try new things- like blue cheese salads and beef wellington and shrimp.  Thanks for trying to bring some order to my chaos.  I know I need it- though I don't like it much.  Thanks for our Christmas tree adventures this year- it is the best tree of my whole life!  Thanks for keeping me on level ground.  Thanks for laughing at the random "insights" I share ( I think I will keep you around;)).  Thanks for making me think and reminding me not to think too much.

I am privileged to share my life with you.  I am blessed.  You are home to me.

You make me laugh.

I love you husband!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Grandpa


My grandpa- he wasn’t super easy to be around, or easy to get to know.  But for some reason, even when I was young, I was determined to know him.  I loved him as a Grandpa but also I think I had a little of God’s love for him.
It has been 12 years sees he passed away.  So many times in that 12 years I have wished I could talk to him- wished he could meet someone or make me laugh.

He had big hands-my dad has them too.  I loved his big, old hands.
He was always looking for an angle to give me crap.  He loved to argue and I loved to fight back.  I never doubted he loved me.  Even though I am pretty sure he never said it.  His touch was rare and cherished.  This picture always stands out to me because he put his hands on my shoulders.  It meant a lot to me. 


I was sick a lot as a kid (still am really)- my stomach hates me.  I worried all the time.  I would stress out over school and get sick.  My mom and dad were both working then so he would pick me up.  He never made me feel bad for being sick.  I knew he was glad to pick me up- said, “Don’t worry Dr. Hardt will fix you up” or “Are you sure you aren’t faking so you can come over?”. 



His car smelled- he smelled, like oil and sweat and bacon grease.  After he died I had a few things that smelled like him.  I kept them for a long time.  It was sad when the smell was gone.
He loved Rummy- he never let me win, and I never won.  He made the most AMAZING scrambled eggs- probably horrible for you but AMAZING.  I try to recreate them but can’t. 
He had green cups with handles.  He would make hot cocoa for the kids and we would always have it in those cups. 
He wouldn’t kill big bugs at The Lake house (and let me tell you there were a lot!) He always said they weren’t hurting anybody. I didn’t agree…I think I lost too much sleep thinking about the big creepy bugs. 
He was always busy doing something, collecting cans- fiddling around.  It was hard when he got weak- hard to see him stop being able to mow the lawn or walk down to The Lake from the lake house. 

 
He was a collector- I don’t mean that like collecting stamps- I mean collecting EVERYTHING!  When he died and we helped clean out the house, I was so frustrated at him!  Who needs 12 bottles of bleach …there was a car- buried in one of the garages.  I had never even seen it before!  Out of control! 
He always said he wanted to make it till his 80th birthday and he did.  Not by much but he did.


I remember telling him I want him to be at my wedding.  He laughed and told me I better hurry up.  I was still in high school.  I was 17 when he passed away.
I remember when I found out he died.  I remember like it was yesterday.  My mom, dad, and I had been talking about  grandpa.  The phone rang.  I saw on caller id that it was my Aunt Adair.  I knew.  I couldn’t answer.  I made my dad answer.  I still remember the sound my dad made on the phone.  Don’t think I could explain it, but it was heartbreaking.
I wish he could have met my husband and my little boy.  I wish I could call him sometimes, not that he really liked to answer the phone.

I have been thinking the last few days and I could add a lot to this, but I realize  the depth of a loved one just can't all fit in a blog post so I will leave it at that.  A little piece of my grandpa.



Thursday, December 2, 2010

Ruh and um Stuff


video


So this video is kind of long but is shows his verbal skills at this point.(Ok i put a different one..it was too long and wouldn't load)  Sometimes I worry he isn't talking enough for a 17 month old but then my sis reminded me I have worried about a lot of stuff that just happened and I should chill/  She is right.  It is Thursday.  I think I am going to go with my sister to this little store Holiday Hop thing...don't know how to explain that but I think it will be fun- little girl time!

We watched some show last night about child abductions...I couldn't sleep-  I was tempted to go sleep on the floor in The Movers room but I knew it would be uncomfortable=). 

We went swimming at the rec center today---I think I need to get him a life jacket- he figured out that he can walk in the water (not on the water- no miracle today=)) Be was out of control and kept getting his face in the water.  Pooped him out- pooped me out chasing him!

Does anyone else ever want to take off their arms to sleep?  Not in a bloody gross way- sometimes I just feel like my shoulders are in the way and I can't get comfortable (random- I know)  but I think about these things when I can't sleep.  I also wish they had delivery services for weird things like stamps-- today we ran all over and then got home and crap I forgot to get stamps and my Stella and Dot invites for a party next week! Wouldn't it be great if I could just call someone and they go pick them up?

Today my son was bucking the whole "being strapped into his carseat" (not a fan lately) and he arched back and grabbed the seam of the cloth on the ceiling of the car and pulled!  Oh yeah little felty weird stuff falling down--material crinkling--I can still see it in slow motion!  "Noooo" I yelled-  yeah it stopped him in his tracks I think I scared him so bad he calmed down!  I got in my seat and had to laugh- really- really? Buddy isn't that a little extreme- but that is my son- a little extreme.  Laugh or cry- I will laugh today-- and realize I will have to sell my car REALLY cheap someday if he keeps this up!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

what's up

Isn't he dang cute?  I know if you look close you can see that he has some pb&j all over his face from lunch but seriously- so cute. Note the 2 little top teeth thinking about coming it up there?  Yeah kind of weird- I think he looks weird with teeth but I will get used to it...guess we wouldn't want him to be toothless forever right?=)
 Not sure really...one of those- take your own picture kind of deals..thought it wouldn't turn out so went crazy..I love that he is so intent on the camera that he doesn't even notice mom being a freak!  Cracks me up.

So...in spite of his endless cuteness,  I fear God is using my son to remind me that we all have a sin nature.  It has been a trying week or so with this child.  As a teacher I always hated when parents would excuse their child's bad behavior as, "oh I was like that too"  SO I definitely am not excusing his behavior, though I often see his father's impatience and my independance in him.

Basically lots of throwing himself on the floor and flailing and screaming- serious drama here- he isn't even 18 months!  Like the other morning I was putting the top on his sippy of milk and it was taking too terribly long, I guess and he was bawling and flopping on the floor.  We are working on signing to help with the whole communication biz, but I have to remind him always- It is kind of funny though-  Sometimes I will just look at his name and say "Elias" In my best, slow teacher voice and he will calm down a little and sign "help" or "more".  So dang smart.

He freaks out if I take something out of his hands-  I have to say- "Can Mommy see?" oh sure no biggy- but if I don't ask- if I demand- big, fat fight.  So frustrating.

So basically I have been just trying to lovingly call my son to obedience, which is really hard at his age because he can't communicate super great.And oh maybe hard cause I am not so sure what the heck I am doing!

He has been stealing the spanking spoon(s) and hiding them in Matt's drum..really?  God help me!   Yes that is my genuine prayer recently.

But in the end he is my baby and I love him dearly.  I just think he needs a little brother or sister to remind him that the world doesn't revolve around him- but that one is not up to me- gotta leave that one in God's hands. 

on a differant note I am planning a lil' Christmas Party- ok already invited over 30 people- excited.  I like parties and this one is going to be adults only..kind of forgot that was possible- hope some people can come!  All I know is yummy food, and Christmas music ( on Pandora on the BluRay- Happy Early Christmas to Me!) and friends- Sounds good!

Another different note - I want Iced Pumpkin Cookies all the time.  Seriously I have made them um 4 or 5 time since October---I feel I should move on- and my hubby doesn't even like them much (no chocolate, sorry man).  I think I will make them tomorrow- a last farewell...or that is what I will tell myself=)

Thanks for reading...I will get more organized and frequent someday,,,maybe...awww heck I most likely never will- that's how I roll.
First snow... I don't think he was crazy about it...I don't blame him not ready for days and days or 20 degrees!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Just been up too late...rediscovering some Pandora action.  Just thanking God for my many blessings.  There is so much mess in the world but He is so good.  His love is so good- better really.  I complain sometimes about silly stuff but I am His and that is blessing enough.  I am thankful for the clarity that come from seeing my life through His eyes.  So much falls aside and only the eternal remains. Him- My Father in Heaven- He is really all I need.  He is so good to us.

There is a rest in Him that is in nothing else.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Random Thoughts

I have a booth at a craft fair  I am doing with Stella and Dot this weekend- a little nervous. 

I am trying to shoot a deer for the first time this year- haven't gotten a chance to shoot it yet...a little nervous that I will freak out though...

My son has been teething for a month now- 3 top teeth and my sanity is almost out the door.  Pick him up- he cries- put him down- he cries--just can't win momma.

I love Fall and always feel like it slips through my fingers before I have had enough.

I want to eat pumpkin cookies everyday-

but sugar hates my stomach...but that is another story.

I am admitting that I am a procrastinator and work well under pressure.  I also admit I love organization I just can't seem to keep anything organized.

I hate that you have to spend money to make money- this concept is lost on me.

Mormon missionaries have been stalking my house-  I was nice one day and now I see them every week-  I don't have the mental energy to talk to them all the time- but they are so eager and young and I know most people don't open the door so I feel bad.  But the more I listen the more surprise I am at what they believe with little or know evidence.

I think I am going to send my family away next weekend so I can overhaul the basement room from hell that has taken over my basement-  I want it to be a real room not "the room I can't open the door to"  it is truly overwhelming.  I need a trip to the dump- some bins, and a few gallons of paint...and ..ok I probably could think of a lot of things that room needs.

I think I am prolonging a few things with the Little Mover that I probably need to give up- bottles and soft soled shoes.  I don't think the bottles would be hard- he only has one in the morning and one before bed- sometimes not even that.  The shoes though- he hates real shoes- HATES- walks around like he is wearing duck shoes and cries.  He tips over and has no balance- so I don't try it much.  I don't know, I like soft sole shoes they make me feel like he isn't too big yet.  And the bottles..I don't know I think I just give them to him out of habit.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Signs...

So I have been working forever with the Little Mover on sign language- really just "more" and "all done"-  I really need to start "help" also.  Anyways the "all done" sign he actually cared about because it was the only way to get out of his high chair, so he started doing it a few weeks ago--- I was SOO excited!  I had been teaching him "more" for so long and..nothing so finally some success! 

So yesterday we are in Walmart just about to start grocery shopping.  We are well fed and just got done playing at the park---ready for the challenge of grocery shopping- deep breathe.  About 5 mins in, the Little Mover is giving me the sign for "all done" seriously?!  It was just crazy that he could transfer that highchair understanding to wanting out of the cart.  I was amazed!  But then I ignored because I needed to shop- he continued signing "all done" and looking at me super confused.  I was cracking up!  Finally he gave up when I passifed him with a cracker.

Today we went for a walk.  I was going by the park and was planning on stopping when I notice again- he was making the "all done" sign! He was all done walking and wanted to go play!  I love that I understood him, that he is growing.

All "signs" that my baby isn't really a baby anymore.  Life is such a miracle.  Thank you Lord for my little miracle!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Thinking....

I've been thinking a lot lately about where service comes into play in my life as a stay at home mom.  My Hubby complimented me the other day on how selfless I have become in regard to my Little Mover and how well I have adjust to my life not really being my own.  And it was hard- and sometimes I get selfish and angry because I want what I want and I don't always get it.....pretty sure we all have that- pretty sure it is human nature.  Anyway some how this lead me to thinking about serving others.  But mostly it is just life now and I wouldn't change it at all.
  I find it difficult to serve others well outside of my little world.  Sometimes I feel like my little world has enough problems staying together and "on track" to add other people or things.  But I don't think that is a right thinking.  I believe God is calling me to serve more than just my family.  Not that that is a little thing at all because honestly it is the hardest I think.  But when I need to refocus my priorities on God's proirities- serving others always seems to help that clarity.  God speaks to me best when I am focused on helping His people.
Which leads me to another question...how do I find ways to serve who God wants me to serve while being at home?  Number 1 I don't get out and meet people much, and number 2 the people I do interact with I just don't know if that is where He wants me.  So I don't have a lot of answers here today just thoughts.  I do feel and have always felt that I want to be an activist against injustice and I want to be a revealer of Truth.  I am so frustrated by this World- by the fact that people in Afghanistan are afraid to go out and vote because they may get blown up.  They have families- they want to see change for their families but are they going to risk orphaning their babies?  I am so frustrated with the state of Sudan over the last 10 years- to be a child growing up in fear and death.  Hate it.  I want to make a difference- right here in the lives of my family and friends, but I also never give up on finding an opportunity to make big changes in the world.   I don't want to live in a world population 1 I want a bigger God perspective. 

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Cuteness and other random things

So I have decided (doesn't that sound important?)  that my son is so cute that if you tried to get a rating for him and plug all his cuteness into a computer it would come out with this conclusion:

!@#$%^%$#$%SDFGGFSDFG%$#@$ERSWDFDE$W$%^
*ERROR*

You want to know why?  Because he is TOO cute!  He would send the computer into a tailspin (remember that cartoon?) and it would crash.  Sad- but true.

Yeah sometime I worry-  oh ya know like mom's do.  That he isn't growing enough and is gonna blow away when the Wyoming wind starts blowing (too late it is blowing already).  I worry that he will not talk because he doesn't talk much now.  I worry because websites (that I have a love/ hate relationship with) say that he should be rolling a ball and pointing to body parts- yeah he has no interest in such things.

But in the end, when I am sitting on the floor playing with him and he runs ( I mean RUNS like he wants to tackle me) up behind me and wraps his arms around my neck and peeks his face over my shoulder and says "HI" in this high pitched little voice.  It is over-  the world can't handle this level of cuteness-  It is OFF THE CHART!  I know, I know, I am enamored what can I say.  Ya know what else is super cute?  When I hand him a graham cracker and he runs up to it with a HUGE smile and is SO excited- like "that is the coolest thing ever Mom"  I love it.  I love his personality- well I did marry his Daddy and they may be cloned...I am checking into the genetic probability of that=).



Anyways just want to say that...

and that there is no where you can go in this town without hitting construction.  I feel like I am back in Alaska.


and that Captain Crunch is a dollar a box and Albertsons..

and that I wanted to make something pumpkiny stuff today but didn't have any pumpkin and couldn't fine any in the store-- I guess it is still August...wish our Fall was longer or at least existed.

and I think I had a lot of parentheses in this post....I must be a little distracted today- who knows really?!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Goodbye Summer!

I know it is still hot and sunny and swimming weather but school starts tomorrow- not for me but for my hubby.  He(mostly) and I(a little)  have been hard at work getting him up and running in a new classroom and a new school.  It is stressful but we both have done it a few times already so that helps.  It is weird that everyone is stating this big new endevour and my life hasn't changed too much this week.  But I am still glad I am here.  I love my Little Mover more than anything and am so glad to be home. 

So...on a different note- today is a tough day for our family.  Today is my due date for a little one I miscarried 6 months ago.  I was pretty sure I had mourned and accepted and decided to trust God instead of becoming bitter and angry.  But it all came back the last few days.  I am reminded that trust isn't a one time deal- I have to keep choosing to trust that God knows better than me.  That he has a grand purpose for us.  I will probably never know why I lost that little one- but I have to be ok with that.  I recognize that some of my struggle is just my selfish desire to be in control.  I mean WHO the crap do I think I am??!!  What would I screw up if I was in control??  I don't see the big picture- I am not as compassionate and loving as my Almighty God!  No I really shouldn't have the control that I want- yet I still want it.  Oh we humans have issues! 
All week though I keep picturing what would be happening in our lives if we were about to add member to our family.  I would be pulling out the newborn clothes, discussing names with my Hubby, trying to pick up the Little Mover because bending down would kick my butt....yeah just stuff like that.  I am sad that my boy will not be getting a little brother or sister this week.  I have cried alot lately but am feeling stable today- which is good.
I have a feeling it is just one of those things that will always make me sad.  Even in trusting God and letting go of what I don't understand- there is still a sadness- a loss that I don't think will really go away.

I am daily thankful for this beautiful gift he has given me.
He has been so cuddly and loving this last week or so- with Hubby going back to school and me being a little emotional- he is so perceptive.  I love him.

So thankful for this great hardworking man as well..
What would I do without him??


As the Praise song goes...
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be your Glorious Name
You give and take away
You give and take away
my heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed by your name

Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place
though I walk through the wilderness
blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Thank you for letting me share...I felt like I just needed to put it out there and let go.
I have much I could share from summer but that will have to be another day.

Monday, June 28, 2010

"Your Baby this Week" 11 months 4 weeks

My son turns 1 a week from today.  I am completely overwhelmed- not by parties or presents..honestly I think it will be pretty small.  I am overwhelmed by how much my baby is growing and changing- right now- this minute- this hour this day.  It is madness.  This week he started clapping and I hesitate to say this even but WALKING!  I don't know if it qualifies but he can go about 10 steps.  They always end in a fall but he is so proud and excited he just giggles and claps for himself.  I love it.  I love it in a deep, heart swelling way.  It is beautiful and perfect and makes everything imperfect just fade away.  Right now we are in Spokane WA visiting my hubby's family.  Yesterday we witnessed an Ironman Triathlon.  IT was INSANE...the whole time we were walking around I was feeling every ounce of flab on my body move- yuck!  But it really was super impressive.
So I guess you could say this is vacation- we are staying at my hubby's mom's house- she is the best hostess ever.  I realize though that I don't know how to be on vacation with the Mover.  I have no real expectation so that helps but it is just different. Ok actually I do have an expectation.  I wanted at some point to be outside- quiet- without watching to make sure he doesn't but something in his mouth or fall off something...and right now I am getting that.  It is nice.  Both my boys are sleeping and I am just sitting on the back porch enjoying myself thoroughly.

Alright well I think I am going to look for a cake to make my boy next week and chill.
Just some pictures from the last few weeks. Love you all!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Getting back in the habit

I am posting again- crazy I know-  But it is finally quiet for a few minutes.  I am watching my friend's little girl who is 6 months.  Just for the week-  It has been good but interesting- my little Mover is NOT used to sharing his momma or yeah know not poking little girls in the eye or using them as a step stool!  Oh well it is good for him!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Ok...new thoughts on motherhood

Ok some peace in the middle of the day has come-  I think I will attempt to write my thoughts down.  So as my friend Heidi, who just had a little one, said "It is absolutely nothing I expected".  I feel a renewed level of that every day. 
I have a few confessions-  I never really glorified motherhood-  I had little siblings that I loved dearly and watched often.  I was pretty sure motherhood would feel a lot like that.  I also worried I would become a "stepford wife" as we used to call them who always appeared perfect (blah!).

Then I had my boy.  It wasn't instant but over the next few months I could feel my stress level increase.  I felt this burden of motherhood that I had no idea would be there- or how to cope with it.  It entailed a lot of:
"Is he eating enough?"
"Is he sleeping enough?"
"Do I cuddle enough"
But also a lot of  overwhelming feelings of failing.  Everyday I felt like a failure for one minute reason or another.  He didn't sleep through the night, my house wasn't clean, I hadn't found a way to make some money, I was annoyed with my husband, I wasn't reading my Bible.  Everything and anything.  It was depressing and overwhelming.  Now don't get me wrong I also have had wonderful motherhood times- like when my baby falls asleep in my arms or when I was consistent with something and it worked or made a rockin' dinner and my Hubby was impressed.  Ok so I am kind of lumping wifey things in this too I guess!

Anyways  I saw this in myself- my fears and insecurities but was having a had time overcoming.  Then I read this book called , "Supermom has left the building"
Just a short easy read about the Proverbs 31 woman.  I never liked her-  I think I already mentioned that, but it is true.  She was that ever elusive picture of a perfect mom.  No matter what I did I just wasn't that good!  We all have "Supermoms" in our lives.  This book reminded me that number one- I am not alone.  Many women deal with this.  And number 2-  There is not SuperMom!!  There are just lots of wonderful women trying to raise great children.  And she clarifies a little about at Proverbs 31 woman and how really she was just a godly woman and mom- not perfect.

God used this book to remind me that I am still me and He still desires my heart above all.  That as with everything I have freedom in in His hands. I feel a weigh has lift.  And maybe you are thinking- Duh Grace- you already knew all that stuff.  Yeah I probably did but I needed a revelation of it.

The book also goes through the Proverbs woman and breaks it down in a way that make sense in the 21st century.  Really I have learned a lot and wouldn't know where to start.

I know that motherhood will always have its endless concerns...how to disciple...when to potty train, when to date, how to teach,.....etc.  But I am so glad my heavenly Father knows these things- He loves my baby more than I do and wants him to grow to be a Godly, humble man.  It is good to know we are on the same page! 

So the last few weeks I have felt like I have been able to thoroughly enjoy my son more than ever.  I feel amazed that I can love someone so much before he is even aware of that love.  "While we were still sinners Christ died for us"  Just another parallel pointing me back to the One who has it all figured out.  I pray that He will continue to teach me to honor Him and raise my children in a manner that glorifies Him.

Isn't in funny though- I was all annoyed by Stepford Wives- and perfect seeming moms when I was single and not a mom- then when I was in the situation I still bought into the lie that I wasn't good enough.  How easily I allow myself to be brought down.
As for motherhood being like the love I have for my little brother and sister- whew- I love them- I do- but it is nothing like my own child.  Maybe you can't really understand some things to you are in them..maybe I should consider that in more aspects of my life. Humility is a key word for me lately.

*Sorry this is a little "all over the place" but I am out of time.

Monday, April 26, 2010

lately....

Just a little something we have been up to!

Oh and this...
But not to often....

And this whenever possible...
And hanging out at Grandma's house too!
Just a little of our lives to tie you over till I have more time and energy to write.  My boy is huge though and getting a great sense of humor- cracks me up. 

Friday, April 23, 2010

I didn't forget about you guys....

I have not really good excuses though- just hanging out with my boy- oh and starting a new business, and trying to help my Hubby figure out a plan for next year, and ...ok that is all I can think of.

So I need to tell you my new revelations on motherhood.  The other day my mom asked..."So what have you been learning about motherhood?"  Ha- mom you are gonna have to wait like everyone else- till I get my butt in gear.  And as I am typing this I am thinking it is an hour past my bedtime and I am BEAT!  I know it is 10:55pm....on a Friday, but I am sooo tired.

Tomorrow I will post and put a  video of my son who is just out of control cute lately!
Love you all!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

8 days...what is the world coming to??

I haven't updated in a while- well 8 days to be exact.  Crazy.  I missed you little blog.  I have come to find some relief in "verbalizing" here.  Anyway oddly I feel like a lot has happened this week.  Nothing you want a visual for.  The majority would have been pictures of the Mover projectile vomiting on every piece of furniture, the floor, me, my Hubby, and himself.  Yeah I know it is exactly what you wanted to picture.  Oh and if that isn't enough I was right along with the boy.  My poor husband was a little overwhelmed.  He never got sick though, praise God because I was pretty out of commission for a few days.  The Mover is still not 100% but doing better.  It was kind of funny though to realize how quickly this family needs me...
."How do I get the portacrib to stay up?"
"Where are his onsies?",
"How much tylenol do I give him?"
Honestly in spite of the fact I felt like death, it felt good to know I had the corner on a small bank of knowledge:).  Also my moving son stopped moving.  He never wanted off of my lap for days.  I didn't know he was capable of this level of cuddling.  It was beautiful in a sad way.  It was very hard though to see him so miserable.  I think I cried as much as he did.  It was hard to let my hubby take care of him- though I trust him fully and would normally not think twice..but my baby? sick?  I just wanted to be there..

Also I decided to start a business endeavor.  It is called Stella and Dot and it is a way cute, trendy jewelry line that you sell at parties and such.  I don't want to use my blog as a forum for this or anything I just am updating you all.  Anyways I am really excited.  The business plan is solid and nothing about it gave me that "mmmm...not so sure if this is good" feeling.  So I just ordered my samples today and can't wait to get started.  Little nervous but more excited. www.stelladot.com

Other than that I had a revelation about motherhood that was freeing and wonderful from a book I kind of mentioned from my Amazon purchases.  I am only on page 37 but it is changing my life- ok maybe not but God is using it to connect some other pieces he has been showing me already. But that is not for tonight.  It deserves it's own post.

Goodnight friends

Friday, April 2, 2010

.......................NEWS...............................

Well today is Good Friday and it is good in many ways.

1.  I went to breakfast at Eggingtons with dear friends I don't see often.

2.  Hubby is home.

3.  My son was only up a little last night and slept till7:30am!

4.  I am making a Blackberry cobbler I have been thinking about (well for Easter).

5.  The Little Mover CRACKED HIS FIRST TOOTH!!!! AHHHH

I would take a picture for you all to see but that would take a process of prying his mouth open for longer than .5 seconds.  Also- not much to see really but I can feel it- it is a sharp little guy.  I discovered it today after the worst lunch session ever- he was crying and grabbing the spoon and smearing food everywhere- it was madness.  So I gave him a bath and was holding him and he started chewing on my chin..weird I know- he has done this for months- mostly just to me...I must taste good.  But today it hurt like no other!  So I pulled him off and checked- there on the bottom right a little tooth!  I know this sounds weird but I can't picture him with teeth.  I feel a bit emotional.  He is only going to get bigger, stronger, and more independent.  My little boy is growing up.  I know it is a long trip still but it feels like a milestone.  It also explains some of his behavior and makes me feel less bad for Tylenoling my son up sometimes:).

The other day the electricity went out for a few hours.  I just was watching my boy.  Everything else I needed to do required power.  He was hilarious.  I think he forgot I was sitting there and after a little while he looked up at me, got this huge grin, and crawled over to me as fast as he could (which is dang fast) and climbed up on my lap.  It wasn't anything special but it was- it felt important- like I saw a boy in him in that moment- a sense of humor all his own.  I can't really describe it well but I felt like I was getting to know my baby in a new way.

In 3 days he will be 9 months- In 3 days- 9 months ago he was born- helpless.  Now he can hold his bottle, crawl, cruise along the furniture, pick up and eat real food, say momma and dada, smile, laugh, and play games.  It is a miracle to me that God can form his entire boy inside and out in 9 months, then 9 months later his is becoming a boy- independent and strong.  It is truly amazing.
Day 1- My boy=)
About 9 months later.  He is priceless isn't he?  What a little ham he is becoming.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I love Amazon

So my love affair with Amazon really started at Christmas time when I decided to by all of my gifts online.  I did this more because the Mover was just at an age where it was tough to go out shopping for hours and I always felt like I wasted so much time.  I did end up buying a few things on Black Friday but that was it.  Everything I bought was free shipping and I think I spent quite a bit less.

I have been wanting to buy some Christian Parenting type books as you may recall.  Well I am finally doing it=).  I was a little annoyed that most parenting books are written by men.  I mean God bless our men truly but  really are they the authority?  We are dealing with crazy babies most of the time and they are off... what..getting a degree in Child Psychology?  So I pretty much feel like I would relate better to a female perspective.  I ordered two though.
First the female perspective that was recommended by my sis.
And the second- the male perspective:
I have heard good things about both.  I hear the first is an easier read.  I like the idea of finding a philosophy to use- maybe not a 100% by a book but something consistnet.  I think it is the teacher in HUbby and I that find ourselves wanting to teach and instruct our children and use consistent language.  We have both learned from the classroom that be stay calm better when we set expectations and they are known- as with consequences.  I makes it easier to discipline a child without  making it a "me vs you" business.  For me it makes it less emotional.  Like I am not giving you this consequences you are essentially giving it to your self for the choice you made.  I remember my students hating when I would say that but they couldn't argue.  It allows you to keep treating them with love and separate it from the consequence.  Now I have not idea if that works in parenting like in teaching but we will see what I think once I read these books.

Also I ordered some bath toys for the Mover who LOVES the water and splashing like a mad man.  And a book on Motherhood (can't remember what it was called) and a yoga and pilates video (I have had a lot of hip pain since my boy was born- hoping to strengthen my core a bit..if I actually do it but that is another story)
Oh and a sleeper for my boy.  Grand total?? $35.00!  That was less that I just spent at Kmart on easter basket goodies for the Mover!  One of the books was $1!  How cool is that?!  I love Amazon.  I just entered to win a Kindle on thepioneerwoman.com.  I could handle that.

On a different note I would pay a lot for someone to decifer my son's bad sleeping habits that have no pattern at all.  He is happier and less whinny when he gets enough sleep but then right now when he wakes up after a 20 min. nap- angry and screaming..what the heck?? The house is quiet and I know he needs sleep.  I don't get it buddy.

Monday, March 29, 2010

did I scare you?

I hope not...looking back at that last post it was really all over and maybe sad.  I didn't mean it to be sad.  I actually feel a ton better just putting it out there.  I really am pretty good.  I think I just struggle with things and don't admit them at times until I have bad day and can't hold it in.  I just want to thank you- out there in cyberspace for listening.  It is interesting to me the levels that we live.  Like today my level is much more...well...not so complex.  I am thinking about summer and the Mover's birthday in a few months and how I want to do something fun, and what I want for dinner, and "Wow is he still sleeping?"....That is all.  But all that yesterday stuff is still there.  It just isn't bringing me down.  And really in the end it is all good.  I have a loving Father in heaven who is here- everyday. Sometimes shaking his head at my antics and sometimes smiling in love.  He is in charge and I am so thankful for that.

I believe my son is waking up- from a 2 hour nap- longest in as long as I can remember.  Thank you Lord for the little gifts.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs and My Life

In education we talk about this theory of motivation a lot.  The theory is that one cannot move up a "rung" on the pyramid unless they have felt the below "rungs" are well satisfied.  If you look up a more detailed explaination you would see that survival is food, clothing, sleep.  And safety is shelter, cleanliness, etc. 

I first was introduced to this is 8th grade from Mrs. McKay.  I remember her saying that most people never reach self actualization.  I looked at it and thought, "That is it!"  "That is what I want!  I want to truly understand myself- be confident in who I am and where I belong." 

I still kind of think that.  I realize now that God is a bigger part of that whole "self actualizing" business.  But today I am explaining this to you in order to explain why I am a crappy blogger lately.  I am and have been for a few weeks hovering between the 2 bottom rungs of this pyramid.  The main reasons have been that I spoke too soon- the little Mover has not been sleeping well still and is cranky continually and we all went through this nasty cold.  Those aren't all but they are the biggies.  So when all you are thinking about is feeding your family, getting through the day with a shred of patience, and sleeping- blogging becomes pretty low on the list.  The only reason I am doing it now is because my Hubby took the Mover out for a few hours- pretty much because I need to regroup...I didn't recognize this so much but my loving hubby did.  Honestly I am having a hard time regrouping- taking a deep breath.  Trusting God and remembering that he is there.  So I am going to use this as a way to talk through life.
Today my Hubby and I listened to a sermon by Dan Jarrell, our old pastor at Changepoint in AK.  It was on the Weight of Glory- by CS Lewis.  I have read that but I was overwhelmed by the truth of his words.  Have you ever just felt truth cut into your life with clarity?   It reminded me that this is not my home- this is just the beginning and that as the first chapter of 2 Corinthians talks about- God knows we will have pain and struggle and loneliness but he also comforts us and USES that comfort to pour out to others.  I have to admit thinking...really?? Are you sure this isn't all about me God??  Cause I sure feel sometimes like it is! 
Though I have Christ in my life sometime I feel this need for something I can't really fathom- something greater- something I can't define because I do not have it in myself.  Maybe that is the weight of glory, maybe it is just being homesick for a place you have yet to visit.  I desire to live in the joy of Christ- especially in the low times- like now.  When you realize what you knew in your head was true.  That you truly do not have control.  Like it says in Proverbs "A man's steps are directed by the Lord, How then can anyone understand his own way?"

A little part of this easy going girl (or at least I think I am) has always deep down thought I was in control.  Yeah life didn't always go as planned but I always believed subconsciencely that is would end up how I want it to- where I want it to- and even when.  A few months ago I lost someone dear to me.  I had no control- but it changed everything.  My life seemed so out of my control.  I have said a million times that I know God is in control but to realize sharply and painfully that you have been lying to yourself for a very long time.  Selfishly I was heart broken by my own realization.  I still am a little heart broken and struggling to reshape who I am in Christ based on my heart and not my head...bit of a set back- but I know it was God's plan.  He want me to pursue him genuinely...how can I do that when I don't truly believe that he is in charge?  I can't.

Also I was proud enough to think I would just have this "mom" thing in the bag.  Obviously I was scared and had my doubts but again I think deep down I said those things like, "my kid won't do THAT" or  "I will have that taken care of by that age" .  I didn't say those things out loud mind you- because I am pretty nice=) but I thought them.  God knows my thoughts and they stunk.  Now I am having to face the fact that I don't have a freaking clue some days and that my worth is not in being a perfect parent.  I struggle with that though-  I am overly sensitive because I am insecure at times.  I pray God will help me through this too.

My life is so good- so many other people have bigger troubles- but I am realizing it doesn't work to ignore my own struggles.  I need to give them to my Father in heaven- maker and creator- the One who guides my every way.  He will comfort and teach.  He will love and heal.  I will emerge from the trials a little closer to "self actualized" because my worth and confidence is in Him- my sense of belonging is in Him- and he is the ROCK.  And I am just a stranger that needs to focus on her homeland- and live like this is not the end-all. He is the end all.

I am sorry that this is so all over the place and maybe not as fun as it could be but I guess life isn't always fun.  Through all of this though I praise God- for giving me a loving man of God, and beautiful son, and a wonderful extended family that loves and supports us.  I am blessed.  I pray that maybe now or in the future God will use my struggles and the comfort he has and will continue to give- to bless and comfort others.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of comfort, who comforts us in all troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God."  2 Cor. 1:3

Thank you Father for never giving up on me- even when I am slow to learn.

Peace and Joy in Christ.

Monday, March 22, 2010

This One is for You!!

It has been pretty nice out on and off here.  True when it isn't nice we get snow and frigid wind but.. hey that is Wyoming for you.  Anyways the Mover has found a new passion in life.  BEING OUTSIDE!!  It is like a drug to this young soul!  I love it.  With this passion comes picking up dead leaves, trying to eat rocks, crawling up this stairs.
 Doesn't he look so dillegent?  Yeah that is how he rolls:)!  Hard work crawling around!  Oh and up-- we like to crawl up- aka climb.

I am the object which to climb...often.

And eating my face or the camera is the reward after the long climb!!  WHooo hoo!  Go son!

This post is in honor of my lovely son who has slept through the night the last two nights.  God bless you my dear sweet boy. You might be a little more high maintenance than some but I love you always no matter what!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Un Athletic

Tonight my husband made up a random game of throwing a little plastic ball at the ceiling fan.  If you hit the middle- 3 points, the metal part- 2 points, the fan blades- 1 point.  He was pretty good.  I was pretty content to nod and smile and keep looking at recipes online.  But noooo a game isn't fun by yourself right??  Yeah.  It was a painful reminder of why I love NOT going to gym anymore because I am an adult.  I seriously lack eye-hand coordination.  Probably doesn't help that my Hubby was burying his head in his hands, laughing in disbelief, and I was cracking up at just how truly unathletic I am! I do like tennis.  I think I am a little successful because of the larger surface area..baseball on the other hand- whew- not pretty, people.
Why I am telling this?  No idea just popped into my head.
I realize though in part- if I was bothered enough by this I would stay up late throwing the dumb ball at the fan or go to the batting cages but truly I realize in most sports I just don't care enough.  I care about health and fitness but I just lack athletic competitiveness (is that a word??).  I really would just rather read a book or take a walk then get all crazy competitive.  Just who I am a I guess.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Let's try this for real

Son- asleep CHECK
house clean CHECK
laundry done ______ oh well do it later.
glass of red wine in me CHECK

WEEKEND! and QUIET!  Good combo to post some pics.  Welcome then to our semi cold (Californians called it freezing)

So we went to San Diego and LA.  Most of our time was in SD though.


This was the view from our balcony.  It was a row back but man that ocean was loud!  I liked it.  Slept like a baby!

This was the same day as the "baby's first ocean day" picture in the last post.  I really just love this picture.  Daddy time- LOVE IT.  Kind of makes me want to cry- in a good way of course!

I think this is one of the few pictures of me from the week and of course my boy looks all goofy.  Silly guy!
















The petting Zoo in the San Diego Zoo.  Little Mover had a blast and was fearless!  The whole Zoo was pretty cool.  They don't have cool bird house that it rains in though like the Brookfield used to have.  That was my favorite thing as a kid.  My hubby wasn't really crazy about going to the zoo but knew I was a fan.  Thanks hubby!






This was a little park off the harbor in downtown SD.  I am sure it has a name but I don't know what it is.  I just loved the cool trees with red blossoms.  We walked probably a half mile down through these little shops and stuff.  It was windy and a little chilly but nice.







Half way down our little walk we realized we needed to pay the meter and I needed a coat so my hubby ran back (God bless him) and I let the Mover out to play in the grass.  Can you tell he was happy to be out of the stroller??=)








Our walk down the pier took us to the USS umm...what state was it...?? Missouri?  Maybe? Ack I don't know and my hubby is rocking my little boy who just woke up.  Anyways-  It was a husband choice but I really like it.  It made me think of my wonderful grandpa that I miss dearly and it just amazed me the detail of this ship.  Very cool.  This picture is on the landing strip on top- oh yeah because it was an aircraft carrier.  Wow did I learn anything from the audio tour?  Oh yeah I had a baby with me I only listen to about 3 stations but hey it was free=).  The audio tour- not the entrance to the ship.







This was on our LA day trip.  It was spontaneous and I was snotting and hacking up a storm with the cold I then passed to my family.  I was a bit unimpressed.  We went to Hollywood and Venice Beach and had a really long drive back to Oceanside (where the condo was).  The Mover was soo tired of the car and I was sick and living on Sudafed and the hubby was... well.. regretting his idea.  We are always reforming our mindset to living with kids.  It is good and we wouldn't change it, but sometimes you just forget all the factors involved.









This was our warmest day.  We went to LaJolla.  I could so live in LaJolla!  Beautiful.  The mover was CRAZY!  My hubby surfed and I watched this little guy.  He put rocks in his mouth, ate sand, crawled all over.  I used to worry that I would get tired of babysitting when I was a mom.  It doesn't happen often but this was one of them!!  This paragraph could be a lot longer but I will refrain.  Crazy beach day!





I went for a walk by myself just north of La Jolla beach.  The boys stayed in the car while the Mover slept.  They have tidepools out here.  They were kind of cool but not as cool as I have seen in Oregon but the view was nice, as was the quiet relaxing walk.








Well that is the highlights- minus dinner with dear old friends Ben and Larissa and brunches and breakfasts with some of the hubby's fam that was in town and some that live in LA.  It was fun and nice.  I was ready to come home.  Not so ready for the 6 inches of snow today though!

Just so you know since I started typing this the Mover has been up twice- poor kiddo can't breathe from all the snot, and my hubby has gone to bed.  I have a feeling it will be another night with the little man in bed with us.  How does it work that the littlest takes up the most space?


 

Little pieces of our trip

Since the Mover is just in the other room distracted and not sleeping, this will be just a piece of our San Diego trip.
The little mover's first touch in the ocean.  It was cold and cloudy but we walked the beach a little bit still.
This picture is vital in explaining our trip.  If you notice in the for front- yeah those little Gerber puff things.  We learned that they are wonderful.  Don't leave home without 'em!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Carrying the World on my Shoulders...

I know- I know I promised pictures and some info about San Diego.  I know but it has been crazy.  I got sick on our trip and lived on Sudafed for a few days.  I pretty much felt like death- but I am a bit of a hypochondriac.  Then the day we were coming home and flying out and the crack of dawn- Hubby got sick.  Then yesterday the Mover got sick.  I am starting to feel better but sometimes I think I am getting pneumonia...I think I should WebMd myself.  Probably just hypochondria again.  So basically I haven't had a full REM cycle in 3 or 4 days and this is literally the first chance I have gotten alone.  I will update when I don;t feel so much like I am carrying the world on my shoulders...or at least my family on my shoulders :).

 Yesterday he was cracking and just starting to get sick...He wouldn't go in his crib, but he would stick his face in the corner of the couch and sleep.  Cute huh?  Doesn't he look huge??

Monday, March 8, 2010

I know God doesn't make mistakes but....

To make a long story short for the first time ever some would say, we are in San Diego CA.  We decided last week to go somewhere for Spring Break.  Friday I booked a condo- Saturday we left for Denver and flew out.  We were able to fly because of a whole other story that wouldn't make this short.
Anyways.  It is cold and cloudy, but I LOVE it!  I have never been to California.  Funny huh?  I have been all over Europe and lived in Alaska, but never been to California.  I love the ocean.  I have always loved the Ocean.  I feel like I can breathe deeper standing next to this amazing thing God created- this beautiful force of nature.  It is crazy.  I am listening to the pounding waves from the bedroom of our condo we rented.  I love it.  Sometimes I don't want to travel.  I don't know why- it is just a lot of work and planning and my hubby and I tend to do this kind of stuff fairly differently so it can be interesting at times to say the least.  But I am glad he gets me moving because I am usually glad once we get to where we are going.
We went to the Zoo today.  I like zoos. I like the wandery paths, I like not ready the signs- just seeing what I find.  My hubby- not so much but he went because he knew I wanted to.  I think he liked it too.  I brought by card reader so I will put some pics up tomorrow of Little Mover touching the ocean for the first time!  He will not remember it but we got a picture for proof:).
To if you are wondering about my title..
I know God doesn't make mistakes but I think I should have been born here:)  Ok time to get my boy to sleep.  Happy Monday folks!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

ZZZzzzzzz

It is as if my son knows when I lay down to take a nap he wakes up.  He is so tired.  Why does he fight so hard?  I am so tired too. My hubby wants to go somewhere for Spring Break which is ohh next week.  I hate that I didn't realize that until after I went grocery shopping for the month and got a bunch of produce.  I am just whining I know.  I desire contentment in life.  I just wish today that teachers got paid what they are worth so I wouldn't dread going to the store.  I wish I had endless patience and a few good night sleeps.  And Spring I wish it was Spring.  Oh and I wish we had a church I really felt part of. And a garden....yeah I think that is it.  Maybe a dryer that doesn't keep go ing and going until you go turn it off:).  Ok I am done. Contentment Grace Contentment- Rest in what God has given you. 

My sister and her 4 kiddos are here staying at our house for a few days.  I will post cute pics soon...too tired right now.  But they do family time at night and everyone answers a question.  The question was "What do you want to buy?".  I had a hard time answering at the time.  I felt bad though because I want to buy diapers, and a glider chair, and paint for my guest room, and sleep and patience (if you know where I could buy some of that let me know). 

I think he went back to sleep...I am going to attempt to lay down for a few minutes.  Wish me luck!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Cool Find----Cards

So cards are pretty pricey but I don't usually like them enough to spend the money.  If I had time I would make cards but really I don't have time and am not that creative!
A few months ago my mom, little sis, and I had a girl's shopping day.  We went to this little store in town that I had never been to.  Lots of random little stuff.  I found these cards.  I bought four of them.  I am thinking about framing them I love them so much. 
 
  
And the inside is really simple.
  
 Cute huh?  Here's my other favorite.

 
 
And inside

 
I love the colors and the simple messages.  Oh and they are recycled and printed with soy ink (not sure why the is good but thats what it says on the back.
You can find these at:

Happy Sunday- Oh just to let you know the Cupcake Bites were a huge hit at the party last night.  Whoo hoo.  I think that made my weekend.