what's up

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Isn't he dang cute?  I know if you look close you can see that he has some pb&j all over his face from lunch but seriously- so cute. Note the 2 little top teeth thinking about coming it up there?  Yeah kind of weird- I think he looks weird with teeth but I will get used to it...guess we wouldn't want him to be toothless forever right?=)

 Not sure really...one of those- take your own picture kind of deals..thought it wouldn't turn out so went crazy..I love that he is so intent on the camera that he doesn't even notice mom being a freak!  Cracks me up.

So...in spite of his endless cuteness,  I fear God is using my son to remind me that we all have a sin nature.  It has been a trying week or so with this child.  As a teacher I always hated when parents would excuse their child's bad behavior as, "oh I was like that too"  SO I definitely am not excusing his behavior, though I often see his father's impatience and my independance in him.

Basically lots of throwing himself on the floor and flailing and screaming- serious drama here- he isn't even 18 months!  Like the other morning I was putting the top on his sippy of milk and it was taking too terribly long, I guess and he was bawling and flopping on the floor.  We are working on signing to help with the whole communication biz, but I have to remind him always- It is kind of funny though-  Sometimes I will just look at his name and say "Elias" In my best, slow teacher voice and he will calm down a little and sign "help" or "more".  So dang smart.

He freaks out if I take something out of his hands-  I have to say- "Can Mommy see?" oh sure no biggy- but if I don't ask- if I demand- big, fat fight.  So frustrating.

So basically I have been just trying to lovingly call my son to obedience, which is really hard at his age because he can't communicate super great.And oh maybe hard cause I am not so sure what the heck I am doing!

He has been stealing the spanking spoon(s) and hiding them in Matt's drum..really?  God help me!   Yes that is my genuine prayer recently.

But in the end he is my baby and I love him dearly.  I just think he needs a little brother or sister to remind him that the world doesn't revolve around him- but that one is not up to me- gotta leave that one in God's hands. 

on a differant note I am planning a lil' Christmas Party- ok already invited over 30 people- excited.  I like parties and this one is going to be adults only..kind of forgot that was possible- hope some people can come!  All I know is yummy food, and Christmas music ( on Pandora on the BluRay- Happy Early Christmas to Me!) and friends- Sounds good!

Another different note - I want Iced Pumpkin Cookies all the time.  Seriously I have made them um 4 or 5 time since October---I feel I should move on- and my hubby doesn't even like them much (no chocolate, sorry man).  I think I will make them tomorrow- a last farewell...or that is what I will tell myself=)

Thanks for reading...I will get more organized and frequent someday,,,maybe...awww heck I most likely never will- that's how I roll.

First snow... I don't think he was crazy about it...I don't blame him not ready for days and days or 20 degrees!

Just been up too late...rediscovering some Pandora action.  Just thanking God for my many blessings.  There is so much mess in the world but He is so good.  His love is so good- better really.  I complain sometimes about silly stuff but I am His and that is blessing enough.  I am thankful for the clarity that come from seeing my life through His eyes.  So much falls aside and only the eternal remains. Him- My Father in Heaven- He is really all I need.  He is so good to us.

There is a rest in Him that is in nothing else.

Random Thoughts

I have a booth at a craft fair  I am doing with Stella and Dot this weekend- a little nervous. 

I am trying to shoot a deer for the first time this year- haven't gotten a chance to shoot it yet...a little nervous that I will freak out though...

My son has been teething for a month now- 3 top teeth and my sanity is almost out the door.  Pick him up- he cries- put him down- he cries--just can't win momma.

I love Fall and always feel like it slips through my fingers before I have had enough.

I want to eat pumpkin cookies everyday-

but sugar hates my stomach...but that is another story.

I am admitting that I am a procrastinator and work well under pressure.  I also admit I love organization I just can't seem to keep anything organized.

I hate that you have to spend money to make money- this concept is lost on me.

Mormon missionaries have been stalking my house-  I was nice one day and now I see them every week-  I don't have the mental energy to talk to them all the time- but they are so eager and young and I know most people don't open the door so I feel bad.  But the more I listen the more surprise I am at what they believe with little or know evidence.

I think I am going to send my family away next weekend so I can overhaul the basement room from hell that has taken over my basement-  I want it to be a real room not "the room I can't open the door to"  it is truly overwhelming.  I need a trip to the dump- some bins, and a few gallons of paint...and ..ok I probably could think of a lot of things that room needs.

I think I am prolonging a few things with the Little Mover that I probably need to give up- bottles and soft soled shoes.  I don't think the bottles would be hard- he only has one in the morning and one before bed- sometimes not even that.  The shoes though- he hates real shoes- HATES- walks around like he is wearing duck shoes and cries.  He tips over and has no balance- so I don't try it much.  I don't know, I like soft sole shoes they make me feel like he isn't too big yet.  And the bottles..I don't know I think I just give them to him out of habit.

Signs...

So I have been working forever with the Little Mover on sign language- really just "more" and "all done"-  I really need to start "help" also.  Anyways the "all done" sign he actually cared about because it was the only way to get out of his high chair, so he started doing it a few weeks ago--- I was SOO excited!  I had been teaching him "more" for so long and..nothing so finally some success! 

So yesterday we are in Walmart just about to start grocery shopping.  We are well fed and just got done playing at the park---ready for the challenge of grocery shopping- deep breathe.  About 5 mins in, the Little Mover is giving me the sign for "all done" seriously?!  It was just crazy that he could transfer that highchair understanding to wanting out of the cart.  I was amazed!  But then I ignored because I needed to shop- he continued signing "all done" and looking at me super confused.  I was cracking up!  Finally he gave up when I passifed him with a cracker.

Today we went for a walk.  I was going by the park and was planning on stopping when I notice again- he was making the "all done" sign! He was all done walking and wanted to go play!  I love that I understood him, that he is growing.

All "signs" that my baby isn't really a baby anymore.  Life is such a miracle.  Thank you Lord for my little miracle!

Thinking....

I've been thinking a lot lately about where service comes into play in my life as a stay at home mom.  My Hubby complimented me the other day on how selfless I have become in regard to my Little Mover and how well I have adjust to my life not really being my own.  And it was hard- and sometimes I get selfish and angry because I want what I want and I don't always get it.....pretty sure we all have that- pretty sure it is human nature.  Anyway some how this lead me to thinking about serving others.  But mostly it is just life now and I wouldn't change it at all.
  I find it difficult to serve others well outside of my little world.  Sometimes I feel like my little world has enough problems staying together and "on track" to add other people or things.  But I don't think that is a right thinking.  I believe God is calling me to serve more than just my family.  Not that that is a little thing at all because honestly it is the hardest I think.  But when I need to refocus my priorities on God's proirities- serving others always seems to help that clarity.  God speaks to me best when I am focused on helping His people.
Which leads me to another question...how do I find ways to serve who God wants me to serve while being at home?  Number 1 I don't get out and meet people much, and number 2 the people I do interact with I just don't know if that is where He wants me.  So I don't have a lot of answers here today just thoughts.  I do feel and have always felt that I want to be an activist against injustice and I want to be a revealer of Truth.  I am so frustrated by this World- by the fact that people in Afghanistan are afraid to go out and vote because they may get blown up.  They have families- they want to see change for their families but are they going to risk orphaning their babies?  I am so frustrated with the state of Sudan over the last 10 years- to be a child growing up in fear and death.  Hate it.  I want to make a difference- right here in the lives of my family and friends, but I also never give up on finding an opportunity to make big changes in the world.   I don't want to live in a world population 1 I want a bigger God perspective. 

Cuteness and other random things

So I have decided (doesn't that sound important?)  that my son is so cute that if you tried to get a rating for him and plug all his cuteness into a computer it would come out with this conclusion:

!@#$%^%$#$%SDFGGFSDFG%$#@$ERSWDFDE$W$%^
*ERROR*

You want to know why?  Because he is TOO cute!  He would send the computer into a tailspin (remember that cartoon?) and it would crash.  Sad- but true.

Yeah sometime I worry-  oh ya know like mom's do.  That he isn't growing enough and is gonna blow away when the Wyoming wind starts blowing (too late it is blowing already).  I worry that he will not talk because he doesn't talk much now.  I worry because websites (that I have a love/ hate relationship with) say that he should be rolling a ball and pointing to body parts- yeah he has no interest in such things.

But in the end, when I am sitting on the floor playing with him and he runs ( I mean RUNS like he wants to tackle me) up behind me and wraps his arms around my neck and peeks his face over my shoulder and says "HI" in this high pitched little voice.  It is over-  the world can't handle this level of cuteness-  It is OFF THE CHART!  I know, I know, I am enamored what can I say.  Ya know what else is super cute?  When I hand him a graham cracker and he runs up to it with a HUGE smile and is SO excited- like "that is the coolest thing ever Mom"  I love it.  I love his personality- well I did marry his Daddy and they may be cloned...I am checking into the genetic probability of that=).

Anyways just want to say that...

and that there is no where you can go in this town without hitting construction.  I feel like I am back in Alaska.


and that Captain Crunch is a dollar a box and Albertsons..

and that I wanted to make something pumpkiny stuff today but didn't have any pumpkin and couldn't fine any in the store-- I guess it is still August...wish our Fall was longer or at least existed.

and I think I had a lot of parentheses in this post....I must be a little distracted today- who knows really?!

Goodbye Summer!

I know it is still hot and sunny and swimming weather but school starts tomorrow- not for me but for my hubby.  He(mostly) and I(a little)  have been hard at work getting him up and running in a new classroom and a new school.  It is stressful but we both have done it a few times already so that helps.  It is weird that everyone is stating this big new endevour and my life hasn't changed too much this week.  But I am still glad I am here.  I love my Little Mover more than anything and am so glad to be home. 

So...on a different note- today is a tough day for our family.  Today is my due date for a little one I miscarried 6 months ago.  I was pretty sure I had mourned and accepted and decided to trust God instead of becoming bitter and angry.  But it all came back the last few days.  I am reminded that trust isn't a one time deal- I have to keep choosing to trust that God knows better than me.  That he has a grand purpose for us.  I will probably never know why I lost that little one- but I have to be ok with that.  I recognize that some of my struggle is just my selfish desire to be in control.  I mean WHO the crap do I think I am??!!  What would I screw up if I was in control??  I don't see the big picture- I am not as compassionate and loving as my Almighty God!  No I really shouldn't have the control that I want- yet I still want it.  Oh we humans have issues! 
All week though I keep picturing what would be happening in our lives if we were about to add member to our family.  I would be pulling out the newborn clothes, discussing names with my Hubby, trying to pick up the Little Mover because bending down would kick my butt....yeah just stuff like that.  I am sad that my boy will not be getting a little brother or sister this week.  I have cried alot lately but am feeling stable today- which is good.
I have a feeling it is just one of those things that will always make me sad.  Even in trusting God and letting go of what I don't understand- there is still a sadness- a loss that I don't think will really go away.

I am daily thankful for this beautiful gift he has given me.

He has been so cuddly and loving this last week or so- with Hubby going back to school and me being a little emotional- he is so perceptive.  I love him.

So thankful for this great hardworking man as well..

What would I do without him??


As the Praise song goes...
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be your Glorious Name
You give and take away
You give and take away
my heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed by your name

Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place
though I walk through the wilderness
blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Thank you for letting me share...I felt like I just needed to put it out there and let go.
I have much I could share from summer but that will have to be another day.